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Quotations by author » Ambrose Bierce
American Writer, Journalist and Editor, 1842-1914
Quotes: 81 - 100 of 1217 Pages: First ... Previous 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next ... Last
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a sawrian.
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ALONE, adj. In bad company.
In contact, lo! the flint and steel, By spark and flame, the thought reveal That he the metal, she the stone, Had cherished secretly alone. --Booley Fito
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ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female tool.
They stood before the altar and supplied The fire themselves in which their fat was fried. In vain the sacrifice! --no god will claim An offering burnt with an unholy flame. --M.P. Nopput
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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
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AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
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An egotist is a person of low taste-more interested in himself than in me.
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An inventor is a person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
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An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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And abstainer is a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
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ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. --Judibras
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ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. --"The Mad Philosopher," 1697
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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
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APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
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APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
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APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider.
When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's health, Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!" --G.J.
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APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
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Quotes: 81 - 100 of 1217 Pages: First ... Previous 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Next ... Last
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