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| I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off | | Uncategorized | |
| If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one | | Uncategorized | |
| If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it. | | Uncategorized | |
| It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything. | | Uncategorized | |
| It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often, and that passes for good on television. | | Uncategorized | |
| Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. | | Uncategorized | |
| Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve. | | Uncategorized | |
| Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys. | | Uncategorized | |
| People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are. | | Age | |
| People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. | | Truth | |
| Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves | | Uncategorized | |
| Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of. | | Uncategorized | |
| The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. | | Uncategorized | |
| The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men. | | Uncategorized | |
| The average dog is a nicer person than the average person | | Uncategorized | |
| The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. | | Uncategorized | |
