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| In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. |
| Anger |
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| Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? |
| Uncategorized |
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| It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. |
| Problems |
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| It is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry 'I could have thought of that' is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they didn't, and a very significant and revealing fact it is too. |
| Uncategorized |
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| It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. |
| Uncategorized |
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| It is known that there are an infinte number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely products of a deranged imagination. |
| Uncategorized |
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| It's easier to say that I am a radical Atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it's an opinion I hold seriously. |
| Uncategorized |
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| It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear |
| Language |
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| Life is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangy-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have a half a one for breakfast. |
| Life |
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| Life is wasted on the living. |
| Life |
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| Man has always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much...the wheel, New York, wars and so on...while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man...for precisely the same reason. |
| New York |
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| Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor, at least no one worth speaking of. |
| Mankind; Wealth |
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| No, that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules |
| Uncategorized |
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Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bog-gglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'
`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.'
`Oh dear,' says God, `I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
`Oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets
himself killed on the next zebra crossing. |
| Humor |
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| One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed. |
| Uncategorized |
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| One of the most blissful joys of the English language is the fact that one of its greatest practitioners ever, one of the guys on the very top table of all, was a jokesmith. Though maybe it shouldn't be that big a surprise. Who else would be up there? Austen, of course, Dickens and Chaucer. The only one who couldn't make a joke to save his life would be Shakespeare. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. |
| Uncategorized |
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| See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting. Most scientists forget that. |
| Uncategorized |
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