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| . . .to me the outdoors is what you have to pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab. | | Uncategorized | |
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| All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. | | Children; God | |
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| As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. | | Teenage | |
| Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. | | Uncategorized | |
| Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. | | Being a Woman; Football | |
| Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house | | Consequences | |
| Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing | | Uncategorized | |
| Children are rarely in the position to lend one a truly interesting sum of money. There are, however, exceptions, and such children are an excellent addition to any party. | | Uncategorized | |
| Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. | | Cheating; Children | |
| Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?" | | Uncategorized | |
| Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. | | Business; Opinions | |
| Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. | | Uncategorized | |
| Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. | | Uncategorized | |
| Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. | | Children | |
| Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. | | Television | |
| Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. | | Uncategorized | |
| Food is an important part of a balanced diet. | | Food | |
| Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian. | | Uncategorized | |
