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| A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. |
| Celebrity; Work |
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| A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done |
| Uncategorized |
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| A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. |
| Uncategorized |
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| A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. |
| Uncategorized |
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| A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. |
| Uncategorized |
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| A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch. |
| Uncategorized |
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| A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. |
| Uncategorized |
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| A vice president in an advertising agency is a "molehill man" who has until 5 PM to make a molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished even before lunch. |
| Uncategorized |
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| After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins. |
| Uncategorized |
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| All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter |
| Uncategorized |
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| An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. |
| Actors and acting |
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| An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Batten, Barton, Durstine & Osborne-sounds like a trunk falling down a flight of stairs. |
| Uncategorized |
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| California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. |
| Funny |
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| During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk |
| Uncategorized |
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| Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. |
| Killing |
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