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| I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I merely looked constipated. | | Uncategorized | |
| If a woman rebels against high-heeled shoes, she should take care to do it in a very smart hat | | Uncategorized | |
| If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. | | Uncategorized | |
| If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they would still not reach a conclusion. | | Uncategorized | |
| If any religion had the chance of ruling over England, nay Europe within the next hundred years, it could be Islam | | Religion | |
| If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. | | History | |
| If more than ten percent of the population likes a painting it should be burned, for it must be bad. | | Uncategorized | |
| If only for a half hour a day, a child should do something serviceable to the community | | Children; Social service | |
| If parents would only realize how they bore their children! | | Parents | |
| If Pygmalion is not good enough for your friends with its own verbal music, their talent must be altogether extraordinary. | | Uncategorized | |
| If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentlemen, he may pronounce as he pleases. | | Uncategorized | |
| If the English can survive their food, they can survive anything. | | Uncategorized | |
| If there was nothing wrong in the world there wouldn't be anything for us to do. | | Uncategorized | |
| If women were as fastidious as men, morally or physically, there would be an end of the race. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you are going to let the fear of poverty govern your life, your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live. | | Poverty | |
| If you can say a thing with one stroke, unanswerably you have style; if not, you are at best a marchande de plaisir; a decorative littérateur, or a musical confectioner, or a painter of fans with cupids and cocottes. Handel had power. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman's pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog | | Uncategorized | |
| If you go to Heaven without being naturally qualified for it, you will not enjoy yourself there | | Uncategorized | |
