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| I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean. | | Uncategorized | |
| I came to the conclusion that the optimist thought everything good except the pessimist, and that the pessimist thought everything bad, except himself. | | Uncategorized | |
| I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act. | | Uncategorized | |
| I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite. | | Advice | |
| I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. | | Golf | |
| I rose politely in the club / And said, `I feel a little bored; / Will someone take me to a pub?' | | Uncategorized | |
| I tell you naught for your comfort, / Yea, naught for your desire, / Save that the sky grows darker yet / And the sea rises higher. | | Uncategorized | |
| I want to reassure you I am not this size, really - dear me no, I'm being amplified by the mike. | | Uncategorized | |
| I was planning to go into architecture. But when I arrived, architecture was filled up. Acting was right next to it, so I signed up for acting instead. [On his college registration experience] | | Architecture | |
| I will not call it my philosophy, for I did not make it. God and humanity made it, and it made me. | | Uncategorized | |
| I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. | | Uncategorized | |
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| If an angel out of heaven / Brings you other things to drink, / Thank him for his kind attentions, / Go and pour them down the sink. | | Uncategorized | |
| If I can put one touch of rosy sunset into the life of any man or woman, I shall feel that I have worked with God. | | Uncategorized | |
| If prosperity is regarded as the reward of virtue it will be regarded as the symptom of virtue. | | Uncategorized | |
| Is ditchwater dull? Naturalists with microscopes have told me that it teems with quiet fun. | | Uncategorized | |
| It is at unimportant moments that a man is a gentleman. At important moments he ought to be something better. | | Uncategorized | |
| It is not the man of pleasure who has pleasure; it is not the man of the world who appreciates the world. ... It is the awkward man, whose evening dress does not fit him, whose gloves will not go on, whose compliments will not come off. . . | | Uncategorized | |
| It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it. | | Uncategorized | |
| It isn't that they can't see the solution. It's that they can't see the problem. | | Problems; Solution | |
