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| Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them. | | Love | |
| Love is like war; easy to begin but very hard to stop | | Love | |
| Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. | | Love | |
| Love: The delusion that one woman differs from another | | Love | |
| Lying is not only excusable; it is not only innocent; it is, above all, necessary and unavoidable. Without the ameliorations that it offers, life would become a mere syllogism and hence too metallic to be borne. | | Uncategorized | |
| Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails. | | Uncategorized | |
| Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. | | Men and Women | |
| Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. | | Uncategorized | |
| Many an American Congressman comes to Washington from a district attorney's office: you may be sure that he is seldom promoted because he has been jealous of the liberties of the citizen | | Uncategorized | |
| Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? | | Marriage | |
| Men always try to make virtues of their weaknesses. Fear of death and fear of life both become piety. | | Uncategorized | |
| Men are sad because they have to die so soon, women are sad because they were born so long ago. | | Mortality; Women | |
| Men are the only animals who devote themselves assiduously to making one another unhappy. | | Uncategorized | |
| Men become civilized not in proportion to their willingness to believe but in proportion to their readiness to doubt | | Mankind | |
| Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier | | Uncategorized | |
| Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an appeal to the unintelligible | | Uncategorized | |
| Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another | | Mankind | |
| Morality: The theory that every human act must either be right or wrong, and that 99% of them are wrong | | Morality | |
| Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. | | Thinking; Writing | |
| Most people want security in this world, not liberty. | | Uncategorized | |
