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| One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring | | Uncategorized | |
| One seldom discovers a true believer that is worth knowing | | Uncategorized | |
| One yearns unspeakably for a composer who gives out his pair of honest themes, and then develops them unashamed, and then hangs a brisk coda to them, and then shuts up | | Uncategorized | |
| Opera in English is, in the main, about as sensible as baseball in Italian. | | Uncategorized | |
| Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian. | | Uncategorized | |
| Painting is the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic | | Painting | |
| Pastor: One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay | | Uncategorized | |
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| Perhaps the most revolting character that the United States ever produced was the Christian business man | | Christianity | |
| Philosophy consists very largely of one philosopher arguing that all other philosophers are jackasses. He usually proves it, and I should add that he also usually proves that he is one himself. | | Uncategorized | |
| Philosophy first constructs a scheme of happiness and then tries to fit the world to it | | Uncategorized | |
| Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. | | Uncategorized | |
| Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince | | Uncategorized | |
| Progress is the process whereby the human race is getting rid of whiskers, the veriform appendix and God | | Progress | |
| Psychology: The theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned fool | | Uncategorized | |
| Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy | | Uncategorized | |
| Religion is fundamentally opposed to everything I hold in veneration - courage, clear thinking, honesty, fairness, and above all, love of the truth | | Religion | |
| Remorse is regret that one waited so long to do it | | Remorse | |
| Save among politicians it is no longer necessary for any educated American to profess belief in Thirteenth Century ideas | | Politicians | |
| Say what you want about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them | | Uncategorized | |
