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| The average man doesn't want to be free. He wants to be safe. | | Uncategorized | |
| The average newspaper, especially of the better sort, has the intelligence of a hillbilly evangelist, the courage of a rat, the fairness of a prohibitionist boob-jumper, the information of a high-school janitor, the taste of a designer of celluloid v | | Uncategorized | |
| The average schoolmaster is, and always must be, an ass | | Uncategorized | |
| The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. | | Existence | |
| The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy. | | Uncategorized | |
| The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. | | Uncategorized | |
| The central difficulty lies in the fact that all of the sciences have made such great progress during the last century that they have got quite beyond the reach of man | | Lies; Science | |
| The chief knowledge that a man gets from reading books is the knowledge that very few of them are worth reading | | Uncategorized | |
| The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. | | Appreciation; Money | |
| The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope that keeps up a wife's spirits. | | Uncategorized | |
| The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor | | Uncategorized | |
| The cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions per minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it. | | Uncategorized | |
| The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woe, is his stupendous capacity for believing the incredible | | Uncategorized | |
| The cynics are right nine times out of ten. | | Cynicism | |
| The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots | | Uncategorized | |
| The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. | | Men | |
| The essence of a self-reliant and autonomous culture is an unshakeable egoism. | | Uncategorized | |
| The fact that a human brain of high amperage, otherwise highly efficient, may have a hole in it is surely not a secret | | Uncategorized | |
| The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman. | | Uncategorized | |
| The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist, Jack. | | Uncategorized | |
