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| A metaphysician is one who, when you remark that twice two makes four, demands to know what you mean by twice, what you mean by two, what by makes, and what by four | | Uncategorized | |
| A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. | | Politics | |
| A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. | | Uncategorized | |
| A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child | | Age; Poetry | |
| A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. | | Politicians | |
| A professional politician is a professionally dishonourable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker. | | Uncategorized | |
| A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. | | Uncategorized | |
| A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. | | Uncategorized | |
| A sense of humor always withers in the presence of the messianic delusion, like justice and truth in front of patriotic passion | | Sense of humor | |
| A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. | | Society | |
| Adultery is the application of democracy to love | | Adultery; Sin | |
| After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. | | Uncategorized | |
| After all, the world is not our handiwork, and we are not responsible for what goes on in it, save within very narrow limits | | World | |
| Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil | | Uncategorized | |
| All (zoos) actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling | | Uncategorized | |
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| All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. | | Uncategorized | |
| All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. | | Men | |
| All talk of winning the people by appealing to their intelligence, of conquering them by impeccable syllogism, is so much moonshine | | Relationships | |
| An enchanted life has many moments when the heart is overwhelmed with beauty and the imagination is electrified by some haunting quality in the world or by a spirit or voice speaking from deep within a thing, a place, or a person. Enchantment may be | | Life | |