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| I believe that no discovery of fact, however trivial, can be wholly useless to the race, and that no trumpeting of falsehood, however virtuous in intent, can be anything but vicious | | Uncategorized | |
| I believe that religion, generally speaking, has been a curse to mankind - that its modest and greatly overestimated services on the ethical side have been more than overcome by the damage it has done to clear and honest thinking | | Religion | |
| I can only imagine very stupid people looking at it (Television) | | Television | |
| I detest converts almost as much as I do missionaries | | Uncategorized | |
| I give you Chicago. It is not London and Harvard. It is not Paris and buttermilk. It is American in every chitling and sparerib. It is alive from snout to tail. | | America and Americans; Chicago; Cities | |
| I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. | | Uncategorized | |
| I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. | | Uncategorized | |
| I have little belief in human progress. The human race is incurably idiotic. It will never be happy. | | Uncategorized | |
| I have yet to meet (a socialist) who was not as gullible as a Mississippi darkey - nay, as a Mississippi white man | | Uncategorized | |
| I never agree with Communists or any other kind of kept men | | Uncategorized | |
| I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. | | Uncategorized | |
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| I write in order to attain that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk. | | Uncategorized | |
| I'm against slavery simply because I dislike slaves | | Uncategorized | |
| I'm thoroughly convinced that editors don't help authors | | Uncategorized | |
| I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark | | Uncategorized | |
| Idealist: One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup | | Idealism | |
| If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner. | | Uncategorized | |
| If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself | | Uncategorized | |
| If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier - and also a good deal more foolish | | Women | |
