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| "Let's just say that on this day, a million years ago, a dude was born who most of us think was magic. But others don't, and that's cool. But we're probably right. Amen." - Homer Simpson | | Religion | |
| "You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel" {while speaking on the phone} | | Uncategorized | |
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| (Lisa) "I'm going to become a vegetarian" (Homer) "Does that mean you're not going to eat any pork?" "Yes" "Bacon?" "Yes Dad" Ham?" "Dad all those meats come from the same animal" "Right Lisa, some wonderful, magical animal!" | | Uncategorized | |
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| Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer. | | Uncategorized | |
| Apu I need a keg and a six pack to hold me until I tap the keg. | | Humor | |
| Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love! | | Uncategorized | |
| Being popular is the most important thing in the world! | | Uncategorized | |
| Carnies built this country, the carnival part of it anyway. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. | | Alcohol; Drinking | |
| Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him. | | Family | |
| How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? | | Uncategorized | |
| I am not crazy. It's the TV that's crazy. Aren't you, TV? | | Uncategorized | |
| I'm gonna drink lots of beer and stay out all night. | | Beer | |
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| I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman! | | Uncategorized | |
