| |
| A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. | | Uncategorized | |
| A man must pay the fiddler, in my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra often had to be subsidized | | Uncategorized | |
| America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks | | America and Americans | |
| Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. | | Death and dying | |
| Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open | | Uncategorized | |
| He neither drank, smoked, nor rode a bicycle. Living frugally, saving his money, he died early, surrounded by greedy relatives. It was a great lesson to me. | | Uncategorized | |
| I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom. | | Uncategorized | |
| I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning. | | Uncategorized | |
| I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free | | Uncategorized | |
| If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner. | | Uncategorized | |
| In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone; but sometimes it is a great relief. | | Uncategorized | |
| Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. | | Love | |
| My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere. | | Uncategorized | |
| My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. | | Uncategorized | |
| One of my chief regrets during my years in the theater is that I could not sit in the audience and watch me | | Uncategorized | |
| One of my chief regrets during my years in the theater is that I couldn't sit in the audience and watch me | | Uncategorized | |
| Paper napkins never return from a laundry - nor love from a trip to the law courts | | Love | |
| Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. | | Sex | |
| The good die young - because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good | | Death and dying | |
| The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got to be good. | | Uncategorized | |
