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| It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient | | Uncategorized | |
| Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once | | Uncategorized | |
| Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. | | Knowledge | |
| Knowledge is like money: the more one gets, the more one craves. | | Knowledge; Money | |
| Laffing iz the sensation ov pheeling good all over, and showing it principally in one spot | | Uncategorized | |
| Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. | | Laughter | |
| Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe. | | Wisdom | |
| Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well | | Life | |
| Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up depends on the stuff he's made of | | Life | |
| Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined | | Life | |
| Live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so | | Uncategorized | |
| Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do. | | Uncategorized | |
| Love iz like the meazles; we kant have it bad but onst, and the later in life we have it the tuffer it goes with us | | Life; Love | |
| Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. | | Love | |
| Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. | | Uncategorized | |
| Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got. | | Uncategorized | |
| Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. | | Uncategorized | |
| Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors | | Sin | |
| Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected. | | Uncategorized | |
| Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first | | Uncategorized | |