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| If readers recognized that he was an ass, unaware of his own stupidity, ''your work will be a triumph. | | Uncategorized | |
| "Varanasi" is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together | | Uncategorized | |
| 'Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.' I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of the world it would still sing to me. | | Uncategorized | |
| (Twain on Cain): it was his misfortune to live in a dark age that knew not the beneficent Insanity Plea | | Uncategorized | |
| . . . a man must not hold himself aloof from the things which his friends and his community have at heart if he would be liked . . . | | Uncategorized | |
| ...It is hard to overestimate how far a man can go in America if he looks good on a horse. | | Uncategorized | |
| A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother | | Babies | |
| A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain | | Uncategorized | |
| A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat. | | Uncategorized | |
| A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime | | Uncategorized | |
| A classic is a book which people praise and don't read. | | Books | |
| A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. | | Uncategorized | |
| A coin, sleeve button, or a collar button dropped in a bedroom will hide itself and be hard to find. A handkerchief in bed 'can't' be found. | | Uncategorized | |
| A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public | | Uncategorized | |
| A crank is someone with a new idea -- until it catches on. | | Uncategorized | |
| A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law. | | Uncategorized | |
| A crowded police court docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty | | Uncategorized | |
| A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment | | Uncategorized | |
| A genuine expert can always foretell a thing that is 500 years away easier than he can a thing that's only 500 seconds off | | Uncategorized | |
| A good and wholesome thing is a little harmless fun in this world; it tones a body up and keeps him human and prevents him from souring. | | Uncategorized | |
