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| A cough is something that you yourself can't help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you. | | Uncategorized | |
| A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. | | Uncategorized | |
| A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold | | Family | |
| A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. | | Husbands | |
| A man is quite dishonorable to sell himself, For anything other than quite a lot of pelf | | Uncategorized | |
| An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks. | | Luck; Men and Women; Wives | |
| And one of his partners asked ''Has he vertigo?'' and the other glanced out and down and said ''Oh no, only about ten feet more.'' | | Uncategorized | |
| Any kiddies in school can love like a fool,/ But hating, my boy, is an art. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo. | | Uncategorized | |
| Beneath this slab/ John Brown is stowed./ He watched the ads,/ And not the road. | | Uncategorized | |
| Candy Is dandy, But liquor Is quicker | | Alcohol | |
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| Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money? | | Uncategorized | |
| Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for | | Children | |
| Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you. | | Uncategorized | |
| Daybreak is one of the greatest disadvantages of living under the solar system: It means having to get up almost the very minute you go to bed, And bathe and shave and scrub industriously at your molar system And catch a train and go to the office an | | Dawn | |
| Do you think my mind is maturing late,Or simply rotted early? | | Uncategorized | |
| Every Englishman knows one thing - that to be an Englishman is the best thing there is. | | Uncategorized | |
