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| Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. | | Uncategorized | |
| Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us. | | Uncategorized | |
| Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. | | Animals; Children; Mankind | |
| I am a journalist and, under the modern journalist's code of Olympian objectivity (and total purity of motive), I am absolved of responsibility. We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scurry. | | Uncategorized | |
| I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ''learning experience.'' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a ''learning experience.'' It makes me feel less stupid. | | Uncategorized | |
| I suppose I should get a VCR, but the only thing I like about television is its ephemerality. | | Television | |
| If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. | | Government | |
| If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. | | Adulthood; Teenage | |
| If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography. | | Uncategorized | |
| In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character. | | Uncategorized | |
| It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But -- like other precious, sacred things, such as the home and the family -- it's not only worth dying for; it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stonewashed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And -- since women are a majority of the population -- we'd all be married to Mel Gibson. | | Uncategorized | |
| Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. | | Christianity | |
| Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be? | | Uncategorized | |
| Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about ''character issues.'' Either that or just go ahead and determine the presidency with three-legged races and pie-eating contests. It would make better TV. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type. | | Uncategorized | |
| No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. | | Uncategorized | |
