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| A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace |
| Uncategorized |
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| A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right? |
| Uncategorized |
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| Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. |
| Wealth |
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| Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket |
| Happiness |
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| I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself. |
| Uncategorized |
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| I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. |
| Children |
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| I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it -- after all, they've already given us tasteless bread. |
| Uncategorized |
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| If you can laugh together, you can work together |
| Team work |
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| Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. |
| Native Americans |
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| In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh. |
| Uncategorized |
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| Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. |
| Inflation |
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| Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. |
| Family; Life |
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| Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! |
| Love |
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| More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments. |
| Uncategorized |
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