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Quotations by author » Spike Milligan
Indian Humorist and Actor (Digby, 3 Musketeers), 1918-2002
Quotes: 1 - 20 of 41 Pages: 1 2 3 Next Last
A man once asked to shake hands with me, the "greatest Englishman who ever lived."
I replied, "F**k off, I'm Irish."
FunnyIrishNationality
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy
ChanceMoney
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass and the Rastafarians smoked it.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
Beauty
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard
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Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
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His vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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I speak Esparanto like a native.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
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I thought I'd begin by reading a sonnet by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
Reading
I told them I was ill
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Quotes: 1 - 20 of 41 Pages: 1 2 3 Next Last
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