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| I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. | | Uncategorized | |
| I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it | | Uncategorized | |
| I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. | | Uncategorized | |
| I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. | | Uncategorized | |
| I installed a skylight in my apartment... The people who live above me are furious! | | Uncategorized | |
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| I invented the cordless extension cord. | | Inventions | |
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| I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there. | | Living | |
| I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium." | | Uncategorized | |
| I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator. | | Relationships | |
| I never anticipated that one of my photographs would still be being talked about after 20 years. | | Uncategorized | |
| I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. | | Play | |
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| I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing. | | Automobiles | |
| I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. | | Uncategorized | |
| I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. | | Uncategorized | |
| I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time | | Uncategorized | |
| I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. | | Uncategorized | |
