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Quotations by author » Steven Wright
American Comedian, b.1955
Quotes: 1 - 20 of 43 Pages: 1 2 3 Next Last
a tax on people who are bad at math.
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At one point he decided enough was enough.
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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Hermits have no peer pressure.
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I bought an occassional table........sometimes it's a microwave oven.
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I felt I could've got him out. Coach made a good decision because we ended up getting him out anyway.
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I haven't done a film in about five years and I want to do more. It's not a matter of expense, because budgets are low, it's the problem of not having a really good idea.
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I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
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I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
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I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.
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I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
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I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
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I was just getting too ahead of myself. I was rushing.
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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
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I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
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I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
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Quotes: 1 - 20 of 43 Pages: 1 2 3 Next Last
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