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| My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. | | Illness | |
| Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Never mind what I told you -- you do as I tell you. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. | | Uncategorized | |
| No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. | | Uncategorized | |
| No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead. | | Uncategorized | |
| No one likes a fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men. | | Uncategorized | |
| Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. | | Uncategorized | |
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| Once . . . in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. | | Uncategorized | |
| Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. | | Food | |
| Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. | | Uncategorized | |
| Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. | | Uncategorized | |
| Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. | | Uncategorized | |
| Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice. | | Uncategorized | |
| Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. | | Uncategorized | |
