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| I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. | | Uncategorized | |
| If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them. | | Advertising | |
| If all politicians fished instead of spoke publicly, we would be at peace with the world. | | Uncategorized | |
| If all the time consumed in attending dinners and luncheons was consumed in some work, the production of this country would be doubled | | Uncategorized | |
| If any of us had a child that we thought was as bad as we know we are, we would have cause to start to worry. | | Uncategorized | |
| If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. | | Congress; Life; Study | |
| If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" | | Funny | |
| If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production. | | Commerce | |
| If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. | | Uncategorized | |
| If these refugees had come to Texas and called call centers, most of them, instead of getting help, would have gotten busy signals, | | Uncategorized | |
| If they really want to honor the boys, why don't they let them sit in the stands and have the people march by? | | Uncategorized | |
| If they wasn't in congress, why, they would be doing something else against us that might be even worse. | | Uncategorized | |
| If we ever pass out as a great nation we ought to put on our tombstone 'America died from a delusion that she had moral leadership'. | | Uncategorized | |
| If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable. | | Business | |
| If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway? | | Uncategorized | |
| If you hear of anyone proposing my name for political office, please maim him and send me the bill. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you live right, death is a joke to you as far as fear is concerned | | Uncategorized | |
| If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. | | Uncategorized | |
