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| I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me | | Goodness | |
| If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. | | Evil; God | |
| If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? | | Uncategorized | |
| If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job | | Funny; Movies | |
| If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. | | Uncategorized | |
| If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. | | Uncategorized | |
| If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting | | Soul | |
| If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. | | Funny | |
| If there is reincarnation, I'dd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips. | | Sex | |
| If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you'd like to know how to get from the Big Apple to the Big Easy, take Highway Love, and you'll get there. | | Uncategorized | |
| If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. | | Failure; Innovation | |
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| In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. | | Uncategorized | |
| In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. | | Funny | |
| Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. | | Funny | |
| Is knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know this? | | Uncategorized | |
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| Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right. (All You Wanted To Know About Sex) | | Uncategorized | |
