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Quotations by category » Funny
Quotes: 1 - 20 of 128 Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next Last
A blunderer is a man who starts a meat market during Lent
James Montgomery Bailey
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde
A man once asked to shake hands with me, the "greatest Englishman who ever lived."
I replied, "F**k off, I'm Irish."
Spike Milligan
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larson
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission
Fred Allen
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Winston Churchill
Always remember this: 'A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses'.
John Lennon
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Albert Einstein
Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
Bertrand Russell
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Jack Handey
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Fred Allen
Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.
Robert Byrne
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love
Woody Allen
Quotes: 1 - 20 of 128 Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next Last
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