| |
| One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. | | Groucho Marx | |
| One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. | | A. A. Milne | |
| |
| Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. | | Groucho Marx | |
| Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are no rivers. | | Nikita Khrushchev | |
| Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. | | Fran Lebowitz | |
| Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. | | Woody Allen | |
| |
| See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. | | Robin Williams | |
| |
| Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. | | Woody Allen | |
| She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. | | Groucho Marx | |
| Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words | | Woody Allen | |
| Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' | | Charles M. Schulz | |
| Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. | | Laurence J. Peter | |
| Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself | | Mark Twain | |
| The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time | | Friedrich Nietzsche | |
| The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. | | Stephen Wright | |
| The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole life - time, if not asked to lend money | | Mark Twain | |
| The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?" | | Will Rogers | |
