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| The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this? | | Henry David Thoreau | |
| The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. | | Oscar Wilde | |
| The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true. | | J. Robert Oppenheimer | |
| The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody's guess | | James Thurber | |
| The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. | | Carl Gustav Jung | |
| The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. | | Rita Mae Brown | |
| The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year. | | Woody Allen | |
| The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. | | Franklin P. Jones | |
| There is a theory which states that if ever for any reason anyone discovers what exactly the Universe is for and why it is here it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another that states that this has already happened. | | Douglas Adams | |
| There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you | | Will Rogers | |
| This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. | | Oscar Wilde | |
| To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years | | Ernest Hemingway | |
| To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. | | Woody Allen | |
| Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. | | Robert Orben | |
| What people call insincerity is simply a method by which we can multiply our personalities. | | Oscar Wilde | |
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| When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. | | Mae West | |
| When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. | | Clarence Darrow | |
| When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. | | Woody Allen | |
